Friday, September 16, 2011

So today I dressed less conservatively...

Beautiful summer’s day and I decided to wear a little less than I usually do. Got out of my car feeling rather confident and pretty. Just a few steps and I receive a compliment. My first thought? Flip, I really should put in more effort, more often... I can be pretty if I try?

I walked around all day feeling good and I’ll honestly say that I was noticed. Did I like it? Yes, I loved it. I loved the eye-contact; I loved the looks from guys at campus...

Then I ran into someone unexpectedly, a good old friend and I suddenly became shy... and then I ran into someone that I am crushing on (just a bit), and he didn’t look at what I was wearing. Rather, he looked right at me and spoke to me.

Walking around thereafter, I came to realise that I was the same person walking around... my clothes was just a bit tighter, shorter, and more appealing... but it was still me... yet, suddenly – I was getting all this attention.

Then it bothered me. I like looking good. Feeling good. Being looked at. Being complimented. But that this happens just because I look physically attractive was rather bothering me a bit. I’ve always been the girl that tried, a bit, to look half-decent. But never, was I the girl to spend all my time in front of a mirror so as to be the object of desire (if that’s possible). I want to be taken seriously for who I am. Not the way I look. Not to say I look good, but I am young. Chances are, my beauty will only regress with time... and would I then be less appreciated? I wouldn’t if my appreciation was in essence for who I was, rather than for what I wore.

I suddenly realised that I don’t want this. I became shy, because, well, I was getting all this attention from strangers that were merely appreciating my body as it looked then... would they bother to look otherwise? Do they even care what I am about?

I decided to revert back to my old modest ways. This is better for me. But I am glad I learnt this lesson today.

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